It's So Nice To Be Nice

I just called my uncle and left a voice mail message.

Here’s the problem: I knew he wouldn’t be home to answer it.  But I wanted him to know I was thinking of him and that I was doing well. ……I just wasn’t in the mood to talk with him.

There’s nothing wrong with my uncle…..he’s just a character. Flamboyant and sometimes over the top with one complaint after the other.

And since I wasn’t in the mood today, I thought I’d call when I knew he was unable to give me a thirty minute spill on who did what to who and why. I didn’t want to hear about who needs a new wig and the latest family gossip. And I certainly didn’t want to hear about his work drama.

What are your thoughts?

Do you call people when you know they can’t answer? If you don’t, do you think it’s wrong to do? If you do, you just might be interested in SlyDial. It’s a free service that I’ve had programmed in my phone for over a year. Click here to check it out.

I just read Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Connection for October 26, 2009.

He wrote:

Authentic friendships are more than superficial, surface-level chit-chat. They involve genuine, heart-to-heart, sometimes gut-level, sharing.

These friendships develop when we get honest about who we are and what is happening in our lives. They develop when we share our hurts, reveal our feelings, confess our failures, disclose our doubts, admit our fears, acknowledge our weaknesses, and ask for help and prayer.

Unfortunately, this level of authenticity and intimacy is the exact opposite of what we find in many churches. Instead of an atmosphere of honesty and humility, we often become involved in pretending, role-playing, politicking, superficial politeness, and shallow conversation. We begin to wear masks, keep our guard up, and act as if everything is rosy in our lives. These attitudes are the death of real friendship.

It’s only as we become open about our lives that we experience authentic fellowship.

While the world thinks intimacy occurs in the dark, God says it happens in the light. We tend to use darkness to hide our hurts, faults, fears, failures, and flaws. But in God’s light, we can bring them all out into the open and admit who we really are.

Of course, being authentic requires both courage and humility. It means facing our fear of exposure, rejection, and being hurt again.

Why would anyone take such a risk?

Why would anyone take a risk at being their authentic self? What a question. In my opinion, there’s no better way to live. Open. Honest. Pure. Real. Whole.

But in reality I take the risk because  I’ve found that when I’m open about my fears and failures that that somehow allows others to do the same.

It also makes people comfortable when they know that you’re comfortable with yourself and have a balanced perspective on how see yourself in the world.

But to be completely honest, the opposite is just too scary for me. Being something I’m not. Keeping quiet, as I try to meet others’ expectations and ideals, while fitting into molds made for another……African American woman.  Detroiter. Single woman in her thirties.

What a bore I would be.

I wouldn’t be a woman who loves looking at diverse dishes and teapots.

A woman who dreams of traveling to New Zealand.

A woman who dreams of skydiving.

A woman who dared ask herself: What do you want to do next? And set out to do just that.

A woman who forced herself to wear the color she never thought she’d love…..but did!

A woman who  could admit to missing a friend.

A woman who was comfortable telling someone she was hurt.

A woman who could admit to a mistake and not miss a beat.

A woman who believes in correcting herself….

What are your thoughts? Are you afraid to be your authentic self?

You may give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.

As I mentioned, there was another surprise in Sunday’s service: the pastor didn’t preach.

He read a scripture from Mark 16 and explained that we’re required as Christians to go out and preach the gospel…..and he had been led to do just that…. on Sunday.

As a group (visitors, members, new-converts, and all) we were directed to split off into groups of two or three and visit homes in the surrounding neighborhood, pray, share the gospel, and  leave flyers, announcing the upcoming event, “Night of Terror,” scheduled for October 30th and 31st.

I sat in my seat, amazed. Not only did I take time out of my time to visit and hear a ‘word,’ but about twenty other visitors came as well.  Didn’t the pastor think someone within the church needed to hear an inspired word? Didn’t he think people should be trained before going out to pray and share the gospel? Shouldn’t we at least review the sinners prayers and the corresponding scriptures? Shouldn’t this be voluntary?

These were a few of my thoughts as respectfully removed myself from the service.

I doubt I’ll return, but I was happy to be back in church, so I’ll visit another this coming Sunday.

Any thoughts?

I was invited to a friend’s church a couple of weeks ago and finally made it yesterday. I haven’t been to church in quite sometime, maybe once this year, so I was a looking forward to  hearing an inspirational message.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen.  But I’ll tell you of two strange things that did.

First, my neighbor, sitting immediately to my right,  asked to borrow some scrap paper during service.  After giving her a sheet, I noticed that she scribbled a note that she later passed to a woman sitting just ahead of us. I assumed she knew the woman and tried to mind my own business.  About fifteen minutes later (I don’t know where the note was all this time), she passed the note to me and it read:

Hi how are you? I was wondering if you could help me out and spare a few dollars.  I don’t get paid until Thursday, so I’ll be able to give it back to you on Friday.

As you can imagine, I was in complete amazement.  I’ve had people ask me for money before, but never in a church pew…..

All sorts of thoughts ran through my head. Since she’s a member, why couldn’t she ask the pastor? Another member (she knew I was a visitor)? Was this her sole purpose in coming to church? Is it really this bad out here? Could this be the best place to ask?

The answers didn’t really matter. I didn’t have the cash on hand and even if I did, I don’t give cash to strangers.

I’m not even sure why, but as I type, I think it’s mostly about safety. I feel very uncomfortable reaching for cash on the street, out in the open. I know that there are people that give money from their cars to beggars on the street, but I don’t want a stranger that close to me, or my vehicle. In addition, I’ve noticed that the same people hang out on street corners in my neighborhood ….and there are a few that I’ve seen for at least a year (and no, I’m not kidding or exaggerating). This happens mostly because I live near downtown Detroit, near a university and large medical center that attracts all levels of income and opportunity for the indigent.

So what do I do? I will buy meals for strangers if they need food.  I will contribute to a number of non-profit organizations who supply scholarships here in Detroit and in Namibia, where I served. I will donate  food, clothing, time, and other goods to help the elderly and those in need.

But, I will not distribute cash to strangers on the street……or in a church.

Any thoughts?  What would you have done if you received the note? Do you feel comfortable giving money to strangers? Have you asked a stranger for money?

***I’ll tell  you about the other strange thing on Tuesday

Just in case you need some encouragement:

To learn more about Nick here’s the link: http://LifeWithoutLimbs.org

Not sure if this qualifies as a favor, but I wanted to share this pretty cool video.

Two of my favorite magazines have recently moved to online versions only: Spirit-led Woman and Today’s Christian Woman Mag.

For many, this probably isn’t a big deal. And considering that I’m online practically everyday, it shouldn’t be a problem for me either, but it is.

I want a magazine, something large, glossy, current, fresh, and pretty that I can hold, put in my purse,  carry along  to lunch, the dentist, or read while relaxing on the couch.

What I enjoyed about both publications was that they didn’t beat you over the head with the Word, it was there, but women spoke practically about their lives and how they applied biblical principles daily to their work, their families, and their struggles.

So what am I to do?

Read the articles on an itty bitty phone? No! It’s not the same.

Move my laptop to the couch? No, that’s not comfortable!

At school, in the office? I won’t have time.

Print articles off, one by one? No, I want them compact and in a little booklet, like they were!

So, maybe I just have to let it go.

And do some research…..there must be another monthly christian publication dedicated to women. Do you know of one?

The moment we feel like demanding forgiveness from others may be the moment when we are to forgive ~ Anonymous

Last week was my first week of scheduling all of my posts in advance.

And it felt pretty good.

I’ve only been blogging for about five months now and I absolutely enjoy it. It’s one of those things I wish I had begun much sooner.

I must admit, however, that there have been a couple of times when it became a chore, a headache, something else I had to do….

And that was never the intention…especially not for a hobby.

But with the life I’ve been leading lately, I often found myself at my computer, at 11pm, trying to get something ready for the next day…..

And I thought that wasn’t fair.

It was supposed to be fun.

I was supposed to write with a purpose and forced posts don’t always lead to that…..

So, here’s to my second week.

And I must say that I’m really digging this, this pre-posting/pre-scheduled post thing…..lol (is there a formal term, idk about?). What’s nice about having them scheduled in advance is that there’s never a rush and I actually write when I feel compelled to, when there’s a concern, not because I want something posted daily…. but because I want to get a few thoughts off my chest, which is the purpose of a blog, right?

Anyway, scheduling posts way in advance got me thinking about canned responses to some common questions women are asked (most of my readers are women, I think). For example, how do you respond to “Why are you single?” “When are you going to get married?” “Are you going to have children?”

You know those questions that come from all the nosy rosys in the world….those people that just want to be all up in your business for no good reason!!

How do you answer them?

I don’t have any ready made responses.  When a family friend asked me recently if I’d given any thought to the ‘M’ word. I had no idea what she was talking about. I finally stumbled upon Mortgage since I’ve been contemplating moving lately…..and we both laughed. That wasn’t the ‘M’ word she was thinking of.

We laughed and she said, “I guess not.”

And I have to admit, marriage isn’t something I’m regularly thinking about. I’m quite happy with the way things are.

Do you have a canned response for any of the questions listed above? If you’re a blogger, do you write your posts in advance?

Ok, I know it’s October 19th, Halloween hasn’t even hit, but I’m in the mood for some Christmas music.

Honestly, it just makes me happy. If I could get away with listening to it all year round, I probably would. Anyway, there’s a station here in Detroit that begins playing Christmas music 24 hours a day, beginning November 1st and I just can’t wait. Actually, I’ve started counting down.

One song that they play over and over is ‘I want a Hippopatumus for Christmas.’ It’s so funny and makes me smile everytime…….

Take a listen:

Here’s another favorite. It  makes me tear up a bit:

I have a special place in my heart for this song:

Ok, so am I a bit early? If you celebrate Christmas, what’s your favorite Christmas song?

Have a happy Monday!