That’s me.
I wouldn’t compare gossiping to substance abuse, but there is certainly a high that comes from having the latest scoop, talking in secret, and being the center of attention.
And this can be tough to walk away from.
Did I mention that I found it fun…it’s was fun to talk about people to make assumptions, give random coulda, woulda, shouldas, when i didn’t have a clue as to their real lives.
In reality, I had no idea how I would have responded If I were in their shoes…
and I had no idea how hurtful gossip could be until I lost a childhood friend….
Fortunately, I’ve gotten a lot better in my adult years, but I will admit that I listen to gossip every once in a while…I am not proud of this. I wish I could say I walk out of the room or change the subject 100% of the time, but I don’t.
What I will say is that I’m proud of the progress I’ve made.
And most of this has occurred because of one question I pose. Lately, when someone begins to gossip about another, I’ll ask, “Well, did you talk with Jane Doe about it?”
It’s amazing the reactions I receive after asking that.
Here are some other things that may help:
- Change the subject
- Do not engage or encourage the speaker. Just listen. When they don’t get the reaction they were expecting, they’ll probably find some place else to dump their gossip in the future.
- Understand that gossips use gossip as a self defense mechanism, using it as a self-protection device so they never have to be vulnerable or open up. When I think gossip is being used this way, I sometimes ask the speaker direct questions about themselves. For example, ” So what did you do this weekend?” or “Girl, don’t tell me about her, tell me about you. What’s new with you?” Often times there are pauses and blank stares and the conversation is ended shortly there after. The greatest benefit is that these people will stop coming to you to gossip. Mostly because they’re not getting what they want.
- Be a golden gossip. Share something positive about the person being discussed
- Remove yourself. If a group of co-workers gather daily during lunch to talk about other colleagues, find another table or a new place to eat.
- Get Busy! I find that when I have things to do I don’t have time to gossip. Take a class, start a business, volunteer, workout, or just get busy!
That’s my message, but what are your thoughts? Is stopping gossip easier said than done? How have you decreased or eliminated gossip in your life?
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