It's So Nice To Be Nice

I don’t think that it’s mean to ask someone to call first, nor do I think it’s necessarily rude to drop by unannounced. It’s really just a matter of how the person who’s being visited feels about unexpected company. As a general rule, I think it’s a good idea to announce yourself if you plan on dropping in on someone, unexpectedly. However, when I lived alone, I had no such issues with close friends showing up to my place unannounced.

Not only did my friends drop in unannounced all the time, but before I moved up north and shared residence with my girlfriend, my best friends had keys to my place, and could/would come and go as they pleased. Now I’d never suggest anyone give free access to their homes to their friends or family, it was just like that with me and my crew.

As for your friend’s objections to calling ahead; it’s telling that she feels your time and privacy aren’t as important as whatever she wants to do. It’s an interesting double standard I’d say.

– Peace

I don’t think your preference is the least bit mean. It is YOUR PREFERENCE! Why must articulating that be mean?? There are a lot of people out there who don’t actually like people stopping by unannounced because they might not have snacks to offer, or their house might be uncharacteristically messy and they prefer to have a hospitable environment, as you have described. However, they will not actually SAY anything about it and will be all irritated and snappy with the visitor because of their annoyance with the situation. Now, this would also undoubtedly occur much more BEFORE nearly everyone had a cell phone, and at that time, it would have made more sense because perhaps the would-be visitor is running errands and gets the idea to stop by? In this circumstance, they don’t have easy access to a phone, resulting in their either going home and not stopping by, or just risking the impromptu visit. However, if you have a darned cell phone and can use it for everything else, clearly you could call and say, I was thinking about stopping by right now– are you free or should I wait until another time? What you are saying seems perfectly understandable: That she is always welcome to stop by, just let you know so that you can be prepared or if you aren’t available, you can make other arrangements.

I don’t think it’s “mean”! What if you are not in a people-person type of mood; you may portray your demeanor like you are uninterested in the visit and may come off rude. So instead of letting this show people should call 1st; it’s only right and respectful.