Yesterday, I responded to another blog. The author wrote an entry about mothers who have trouble forgiving themselves for giving birth to children out of wedlock or having an unplanned pregnancy, even within marriage.
I responded to the writer with the following:
It’s so great that you’re having this conversation. Women have expressed to me the guilt they feel for getting pregnant to soon or not selecting a proper father for their children….as I listen, I always ask what are they going to do with the guilt? I mean it’s easy to focus on what you didn’t do, to focus on the struggles or the fact that their child grows up fatherless. So instead, I just tell them to focus on what’s right with their parenting and their child.
And if you can’t find anything right…fix it or at least make your best attempt. Many things are fixable and with every new day, there comes a new opportunity to start again, to practice being the best person or parent you want to be.
Because focusing on mistakes made years ago can’t get you anywhere.
I also wanted to add, that with all do respect, please don’t compare your life to that of your friend. Yes, it’s great that she’s planning and preparing herself for the marvelous journey of parenting, but as you do this, it sounds like you’re short changing yourself and the many gifts you’ve given your children.
We all have different paths. You took one and she’s taking another….and it doesn’t mean that one is any better. And honestly, no one knows what kind of mother she’ll make until the children actually arrive……and like most parents, I’m sure she’ll have struggles too.
It was easy giving this advice, but as I re-read my response, I realized that I also need to forgive myself for a few things that happened today, yesterday, last year, and many years before.
And like the mother I wrote to above, I need to focus on what’s right, using mistakes as fuel for progress….and in essence making them right, too.